Ten Ways Parents Destroy Their Children's Self Esteem

A parent's mantra is always he/ she is doing a particular act and/or applying a specific disciplinary methodology to a child for his/her own good. The same parent maintain that his/her child will appreciate this ONE day. The same parent further asserts that if he/she did not care, he/she would not be applying such corrective measures!

However, many parents use discipline and corrective measures in ways that irreparably damage or negatively impact a child's self esteem. Many parents believe that they are only guiding and helping their child/children correct their behaviors when in fact, the opposite often occurs. There is an old saying that the road to hell is oftentimes paved with excellent intentions. Here are the ten things parents do that often destroy their children's self-esteem!

(1) Comparing their children to siblings and/or other nonsibling children. Parents often believe that if they extol the positive characteristics of siblings and other nonrelated children to their respective child/children, their child/children will improve and remedy their specific problem at hand. Oftentimes, such comparison often does the opposite. Children who are constantly and regularly compared to other children have a diminished sense of their individuality. Ultimately, they come to believe that they are worthless within themselves, having little or no sense of individuation and/or self! They will believe that they are worst than everyone else!

(2) Criticizing their children's innate abilities, temperament, and/or characteristics if they are different from theirs. Many parents are threatened and nonplussed if their children's abilities and characteristics are diametrically different from theirs. These parents are firm believers that their children should be carbon copies of them with similiar characteristics, interests, and goals. They feel that if their children possess similiar characteristics as they, everything would be harmonious and stressfree. These parents want easy children. Children whose characteristics are diametrically different than the parents are viewed as a threat to the familal social order. The parents just do not know how to handle these children. Parents who criticize their diametrically different children's innate abilities and characteristics are often invalidating their children innermost psychological core. These children often feel insignificant and totally unappreciated for who they are actually are.

(3) Insisting that their children conform and not go against the prevailing societal code. Many parents staunchly believe in blind and mindless conformity. They are of the belief that there is safety in following the prevailing and/or majority opinion. They contend that following the majority consensus offers a sense of belonging and security. They stress to their children that it is safer and more feasible to conform to the prevailing groupthink philosophy. They strongly discourage their children's strong individualism and nonconformity because it is believed that if their children refuse to conform to the prevailing groupthink, they would be considered oddballs or worse, being ostracized and alone. A worse scenario according to the parents, THEY would be ostracized and denigrated by their neighbors and associates. So if their child/children dare to have a unique, creative, and innovative thought and idea, it is SQUASHED and oftentimes considered outlandish and weird because NOBODY else thought of it! These parents are totally soul-destroying and killing the dreams of a potential Picasso, Einstein, Mozart, and/or other great person! How insidiously wicked indeed!

(4) Continuously harping about their children's mistakes. Making mistakes are an integral part of a child's learning and growth process. Childhood is a time to freely explore, try on different personas, and to fall on your face! However, there are parents who equate making mistakes as akin to committing a grave mortal sin. These parents often have insanely unrealistic expectations that their children are to be as perfect and blemish free as possible. God forbid that they should make mistakes. Oh no! To these parents making mistakes = ineptitude+utter stupidity. These parents want their children to be perfect because perfection= success! Welll, continuous harping about mistakes to a child is tantamount to abuse. This child begins to use what sense of initiative and risk taking that he/she has. The child thus becomes extremely anxious and risk aversive, often not electing to attempt anything less he/she errs. The child will always choose the path of the least resistance all through life!

(5) Telling their children that their dreams, aspirations, and goals are impossible to reach. There are children who aspire to uncommon goals and have unique careers. Many parents do not or refuse to acknowledge this. Oftentimes, these parents consider their children's goals "unrealistic" and "lofty". They often attempt to gear their children into "more realistic" careers and aspirations. They further inundate their children to have goals and careers that are "workable" and "secure". Well, some children have goals and aspirations which are dramatically different and rare! These aspirations and goals should be encouraged. Instead these parents want their children to have ordinary aspirations, goals, and careers. Oftentimes these children do settle for ordinary and safe careers much to their regret! They are grossly unhappy, wishing for what might have been!

(6) Living and planning their children's lives and careers. There are parents who believe that they know what is BEST for their children. They believe that their children do not have the continence and maturity to reasonably plan their life goals. They usually plan their children's life from birth to postcollege graduate. It is not above these parents' purview to plan their children's careers. They believe that they are making their children's lives easier and less stressful for them. However, they are irreparably damaging their children and making them quite dependent and indecisive regarding the simplest life choices. Many children are living their parents' lives, not their own authentic lives much to their later regret!

(7) Solely basing your child's intellectual capacity upon grade point average. Many parents mistakenly have expectations of their children based upon grade point average. For example, many parents of A students relentlessly push their children to succeed even though their children may have different ideas and aspirations for success. Conversely, many parents of C students believe that their children are less than apt and intelligent, telling them to aspire lower as they are not ever going to be highly successful. A child's grade point average is not always an accurate reflection of his/her innate intellectual capacity. An extremely conscientious A student of average ability may have to study all night to obtain those As while a C student of above average ability may be bored with school and have a more relaxed attitude towards his/her studies. To pidgeonhole a child's intellectual ability based entirely upon his/her grade point average often creates a self-fulfilling prophecy for a child. If the child believes that he/she is stupid because he/she is a C student, he/she will become a low achiever thoughout life no matter what his/her human potential is!

(8) Zeroing on their children's so-called negative characteristics. Many parents want their children to be as physically and emotionally flawless as possible. They often view their children's so called physical and emotional differences as imperfections to be corrected and/or changed as much as possible. Some parents would often denigrate their children's so-called negative characteristics in order to make them shape up. However, they are often doing the opposite giving their children a poor body and self-image which will often follow them for the rest of their lives.

(9) Never praising their children. There are parents who do not believe in praising their children because they believe that such praise softens and spoils a child. In addition to these factors, these parents further contend that praising their children will make them conceited and think "too highly" of themselves. These parents maintain that they should never have to praise their children if they perform good deeds such as having good behavior, doing chores without being asked, and/or earning good grades. They assert that such behavior is a given and expected. Children need praise in order to assess the positivity of their performance and to continue with such behavior! If children do not receive praise, oftentimes they will not achieve the level which they could achieve if they receive encouragement and praise!

(10) Demanding blind obedience from their children. There are some parents who believe that their word is law and etched in stone. These parents furthermore believe that might equals right. It is these parents' contention that they own their children. They do not view their children as thinking, independent autonomous individuals in their own right. To these parents, their children are automatons and their property whom they can dictate and program at will. These parents' mantra is that their children are to obey and nothing else. These parents clearly want children who they can easily control. These parents are highly threatened by children who exhibit a more independent nature. Children raised by such authoritarian parents become timid and submissive. They also become passive believing that they do not count. They feel powerless and that others are more powerful than they are. Now, you have a list of 10 things parents do to destroy their children's sense of self!