The Age Trap

What is age exactly? Many people have concepts of what age is. They associate an age with doing the "appropriate activities" related to that respective age. To them, youth is the time to explore many avenues and to be wild. Many people believe that youth is the time to act silly and to be bold. These same people bemoan and lament the oncoming of aging.

There are many people who assert that once one becomes " a certain age" whether it is middle or old age, one must ACT one's age so to speak. Middle aged and older people are told to slow down and to act more sedate. They are inundated with "you are too old" to embark on a new activity or venture. They are further inoculated that your chances are gone, so live with it!

In this youth obsessed society, being young is the ultimate prize. Young people are viewed as more attractive, sexy, aggressive, and dynamic than those who are middle aged and older. When you are middle aged and older, you are viewed as less of the aforementioned things. Middle aged and older people are often viewed as stodgy, stalwart, and/or lame. Old people in this society are viewed even worse- they are considered senile and in the way.

No wonder many people become apprehensive with the idea of getting older. They are subconsciously succumbing to the underlying, negative concept of aging which is ever present in this society. I have a cousin, who is 57 years of age, avidly wishing that she was 25 again. She constantly remarks to me that she does not want to be 57 years old. She states that now she feels quite-OLD!

There was a co-worker in her 50s who appeared and acted like she was quite older. She was totally resigned in her attitude regarding aging. She believed that life was over for her and there was nothing else for her to try. She hated her life, constantly complaining to anyone who wished to listen. She informed me that once one leaves their 20s, it is all over. She even added that the 20s are a time for a person to achieve the ultimate success in their careers and life choices. She relayed that once a person reaches 30 years of age, he/she is TOO old to try and attempt to do anything and should be resigned to his/her fate. Yes, she was an embittered person and it showed.

She had a son who was in his early 30s. She related to me that her son wanted to improve and better his life. However, she stated to him that he was "middle aged" and was too old to embark on this. I and the other coworkers just looked at her nonplussed. We felt that this woman has truly lost her mind. Well, let me not digress. She, as many people, have atavistically stereotypical ideas of the appropriate age that one should commence an activity.

Many people view youth as the Age of Promise while viewing middle and/or older ages as the Age of Resignation, Shouldas, Couldas, Lost, and Never Will Get Opportunities. These people live the life of regrets. They constantly bemoan that they should have an activity, whether it is to pursue an education, career, and/or other lifestyle choice, while they were YOUNG! They believe that at their respective ages, it is TOO late to do anything so they bemoan their fate.

Many people succumb to the notion that once they reach a certain age, they began to act in accordance with the societal idea regarding that age. They began to lose their curiosity, adventure, and joie de vivre, beginning to act more risk aversive and cautious. When you inquire as to the change in their personality- they inform that they are getting up there in age and they cannot do the activities they once enjoyed. They further inform you that those activities are for the "young" people, not them.

They are victims of agetitis. These are the very same people who maintain that once they reach "THE AGE" , they start to slow down, calm down, and find life more daunting. They lose what little vigor they have left. In other words, they begin to act "old" in accordance to cultural definition.

I remember my mother, who was quite a vibrant and lively woman in her 70s. However, when she reached her 80th birthday, she stated that the "average" person in his/her 80s does not know who he/she is and what his/her name is. She further purported that people in their 80s cannot do things by themselves. She believed in that old paradigm of one being infirm and senile once he/she reached 80 years of age. Guess what? She became increasingly forgetful and uninterested in pursuing her former activities. She even refused to go her routine chores and to get out of bed. She just laid listlessly in bed all day. She started to develop alzheimers and had to be placed in a nursing home.

She succumbed to the self-fulfilling prophecy that one becomes inform and incognizant once he/she reaches 80 years of age thus becoming what was thought about. Yes, many old people do become what they think about by succumbing to their familial, cultural, and societal perceptions regarding age. Many people, once they retire, actually retire from life physically, emotionally, and mentally. They do not use the issue of retirement as a move to pursue more opportunities to do the things they could not while working. Many retirees felt unwanted and tossed away, having these attitudes permeate their entire being, to quite devastating and disastrous results.

There are middle aged and older people who want to try new avenues, pursue new adventures, and opportunities. However, their family members and friends tell them that they are "too old" to do such a thing. Many of these middle aged and older people succumb to the negativity of their family an friends to try to rein them in, informing them that what they are doing are so "inappropriate" for their respective ages.

I remember one lady in her 60s stating that she wanted to return to college to pursue an advanced degree. Her husband informed her that it would be a TOTAL WASTE of time for her to pursue this degree as she was retired. He further told her that such degrees were for YOUNGER people who will do something profitable with those degrees. This husband asserted that older people should neither pursue any type of further education nor obtain degrees because they will NEVER use the aforementioned to contribute to society!

There are many middle aged and older people who adhere to old familial, cultural, and societal paradigms regarding aging, suppressing their lifeforce thus becoming dejected and useless as they become older. However, there are people who REFUSE to conform to such atavistic paradigms regarding aging. These people are spitting at convention's eyes, doing what they desire to do. These people believe that the issue of age is totally consequential and circumstancial.

They are constantly learning and doing new and exciting things each day. They are adherents to the belief that Rome was not conquered in a day. In other words, they believe that one does not have to do EVERYTHING in youth. Life consists of varied ages and one could do anything at any age as long as one have their health and an actively alert mind.

These people do not subscribe to the idea that one cannot pursue the activities of their dreams because of the notion of "age". Many of them feel that they have lots to conquer. They believe in living and not stopping until one is totally incapacitated or dead. These people will not definitely let age stop them from travelling, pursuing further education, and/or a second, maybe third career. These people maintain that they are youthful and intend to do more things in their lives.

Many middle aged and older people refuse to let the issue of age stop them. Think of dynamos such as Joan Rivers, 77 years of age, and Betty White, 90 years of age, who are definitely NOT going to retire soon, if ever. These women are just getting FIERCER with age. More people should be like them and thunderous applause to those middle aged and older people who defy the old paradigms of aging!

In conclusion, many people succumb to the old paradigm that one must slow down and to regulate their lives once they hit the "age plateau". People have been inundated that youth is the time to try and be everything and once you are no longer young, one simply should not be that adventurous and bold ever! Furthermore, once one reaches a "certain age" , they are told to "act their age", not "their shoe size". In other words, you must act like a "good middle aged and old people", being totally averse to adventure and opportunities, living your remaining time in utter and quiet desperation- in other words, being resigned to your fate, and waiting for your eventual demise.

Many middle aged and older people are subjected to old aging paradigms from society, cultural, and so-called well-meaning family members, relatives, and friends. If they wanted to pursue avenues of adventures and new and unheard of opportunities, they are actively dissuaded and discouraged from doing such by their families, relatives, and friends. They are told to "stay in their place" and "to act accordingly to their respective ages."

Many middle aged and older people subconsciously believe that their lives are indeed over once they have reached their respective ages. They begin to lose interest and stop indulging in the activities they used to enjoy. They eventually succumb to the self-fulfilling prophecy regarding how people of their respective ages should act and think thus becoming that person.

However, there are people who adamantly refuse to succumb to the old paradigms regarding aging. They live by their own paradigm regarding the issue of aging. They are of the thought that age is simply consequential and circumstantial. They refuse to permit age to interfere with what they wish to pursue and participate in. They believe in being totally youthful-for as long as possible. Yes, age is just that - a DESIGNATED number, no more, no less!