Why are Adult Virgins Considered to be Backwards in Modern Society
86In This Postmodern Sexualized Culture, Adult Virgins are Considered to be Backwards
An adult virgin is defined as a virgin who is in her/his 20s and older. When people think of adult virgins today, there is a stereotype of a plain, spinsterish, often devoutly traditionally religious female who dresses sternly and has a dour outlook on life. If the person is male, he is seen as either a mama's boy, repressed loner, or an oddly dressed geek. Many people see the adult virgin as sexually immature and with psychosexual issues. There are even articles which suggest that the adult virgin needs sexual counselling, sexual surrogates, and even a trip to an escort service to "loosen their sexual inhibitions". It is the societal view that adult virgins are not "normal".
Well the abovementioned is often far from the truth. Although there are a few adult virgins who are sexually repressed, the majority are not. Many adult virgins are attractive people deliriously happy with their situation and lead active dating lives. Only a few adult virgins, by their own admission, stated that they needed outside help in the sexual arena to cure their inhibitions. Being an adult virgin is a normal lifestyle choice. It seems to be an unwritten rule in society that being an adullt means to be sexually active. If an adult is not sexually active, she/he is to be pitied and ostracized.
Many adult virgins have friends who believe that something is seriously with them because they elected not to have sexual affairs and/or relationships. People often look in bewilderment when a person reveals that they are an adult virgin. It is often voiced that by the time a person is in their late teens, virginity should be a thing of the past and that sexual relationships should be a part of life.
Although plenty of people have sexual affairs and/or relationships beginning in their late teens, some people prefer to wait until they are ready to engage in sexual affairs and/or relationships. There are many reasons why people are adult virgins. The reasons vary from adhering to traditional religious morals regarding waiting until marriage to indulge in sexual relations, to viewing sex as a gift to be shared with only a few special lovers to ultimately plainly not wanting to have sex at that particular moment.
With the average person indulging in sexual relationships, an adult virgin is suddenly viewed as an aberration. The reasoning is that the adult virgin has to have sexual relations to be seen as a complete woman/man and to be normal. I read a book regarding what men think about female sexuality and one man stated that adult female virgins were sexually at a child's level and were not adults. This man further stated that he would never date an adult female virgin. Some men are turned off by the adult female virgin who they believe "have relationship and sexual issues". Not so long ago in an Anne Lander's column, an adult virgin female lamented that she hardly went out on dates because she revealed her virgin status and men were put off by that. Adult female virgins are often not seen as desirable in modern society but seen as old prudish maidens.
Adult male virgins have a more difficult time being accepted than adult female virgins To be a man means to have a myriad of sexual relationships. If a male reveals to his friends that he is an adult virgin, he is seen as being effeminate, a little boy, or a sexually repressed ogre. Some women often deride an adult male virgin, believing that something has to be seriously wrong with him. Think of the movie, THE 40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN, in which the main character is derided because he is a virgin over the "normally accepted" age range. Adult male virgins are often seen as "losers" in modern society. Sometimes magazine articles suggested that he "should get laid" to "get rid of his predictament". Adult male virgins are sometimes called the pejorative word for homosexual because he chooses not to be sexually active.
Sex is one of an important aspect of life. However, it is not the being all or end all in life. There are lots of fulfilling activities to do in life. To reiterate, adult virgins of both sexes lead fulfilling and active social lives. They are not to be derided but to be respected in their lifestyle choice.
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A society that praises premarital sex and multiple premarital "relationships" has resulted in a society where one out of four adults has an STD, now 1 out of 4 teen girls has an STD, and society has been devasted by AIDS, a killer STD.
Sex was meant for procreation and enjoyment within a lifelong secure marriage, so children could be raised securely by two parents, and spouses can be secure in their relationship. Go against God's laws and you will just end up sick.
The Duggars and traditional Christian families are proof that waiting for marriage works. Every other couple is just proof of a 60% divorce rate, broken hearts, broken homes, and death and suffering by STD. "Relationships" don't prepare people for marriage, they prepare people for divorce. These misguided people are not practicing for a lifelong commitment, they are practicing dumping people when they get bored of them, which is typically how marriage ends in the US now.
"The wages of sin is death." Sex before marriage is not a risk free enterprise, it is a sin and it results in the chaos and suffering we see in society today. God is not warning us against this to spoil our fun, He's trying to keep us from suffering and show us how to get the most enjoyment out of life and relationships without needless suffering for sin.
What is virginity exactly? When does one actually lose one's virginity? I've never formally had sex, but I don't consider myself a virgin - mainly because it's such a vague term. When/where do wet dreams and masturbation come into the virginity equation?
Sounds like this article was written by an adult virgin. The reasons listed for being a virgin in this article are merely excuses that adult virgins state as the reason for their virginity. This is skin deep, one has to explore beyond the excuse to get at the root cause of the issue, and in most cases the root cause deals with fear and insecurity. Strict adherence to religious ideals that supress our human nature need to seriously be questioned and not followed blindly...
In response to thetruth: Many people are virgins because they CHOOSE to be so. It has nothing to do with religion or fear. Many adult virgins are very attractive, successful, and intellectual people. It is a person's right to decide whether or not he/she wants to have sex. If a person choose to have sex-fine and if he/she does not-fine! As I have stated, sex is an important part of life; however, it is not the most important aspect of life. Many people are quite content without sex! They have hobbies and other intellectual pursuits to occupy their time.
I've notice in een somewhat "conservative" TV that lack of sexual activity is treated as abnormal. Very seldon is it mentioned that religion might play a role.
I'm really not sure what the deal with society is. From what I've observed so many adults are acting like childish/foolish busybodies concerned about business that's really none of their own. Does being a virgin really have anything to do with how well someone performs at their job or if they can pay the bills or function/take care of themselves legally as law abiding citizens? People need to grow up. Unless it somehow involves you whether or not someone is a virgin or not is really none of your business. They are adults I'm pretty sure they're old enough to make their own decisions and choose their lifestyle.
To Grown-Up-Amen! Amen! Amen!
I am a 21 year old virgin and I want to wait until I am married and if i do not get married I will remain a virgin. that's me.
Speaking from personal experience, I can definitely tell you that many adult virgins make a conscious choice NOT to have sex just with anyone. These people are very choosy when it comes to the object of their affections. They are so choosy in fact, they may even base their final decisions on the VIBES/VIBRATIONAL FREQUENCY of their desired mate. If you don't understand what I am talking about, then you don't know how sex is perceived by some people - spiritual, mind-enhancing and capable of making a human ascend to higher levels of consciousness and not just physically pleasurable.
I started my sex life at 27 and I was fully aware of everything from std's to how both the female and male bodies worked. In fact, I knew more about these sexual topics (topics as to how to increase/decrease fertility naturally, orgasms, G spot, ways to increase pleasure, etc) than a lot of my peers who started their sexual lives as early as 12, mostly because of peer pressure and shame that they didn't belong. It turns out that as a female who started out her sex life at 27, I am doing very well in the department of satisfying my partners whom I STILL choose very carefully. Way to go GMWILLIAMS for writing about this very sensitive topic.
To xxxo: Very good points you made. The idea that an adult virgin is very naive and prudish is totally stereotypical and out of date. Many adult virgins are more knowledgeable about sex than many people who started having sex at young ages. In fact, many of the pregnancies are the result of young teenagers who are totally unprepared when they started having sex. I believe that one should be choosy regarding having sex and be totally prepared in terms of bodily knowledge and in contraceptive methodologies. In my opinion, I believet that teens should not have sex and that people should wait to indulge in sex when they reach their twenties.
F you, thetruth.
gmwilliams, great article! And who cares if you are a virgin or not. It doesn't matter.
Hello,
I am an 'adult virgin' at 32 and this issue is usually addressed to men but I am a female. I think I am average in looks and have been very shy throughout life. I have not been asked on dates and not the type to approach guys for dates. So I have remained single. I don't feel there's 'something wrong with me' but I realize in the eyes of most other adults there is and that makes me really sad sometimes. Mostly I have given up even bothering looking for a mate and rather concentrate on accepting that men find my situation to be too weird to be bothered with. I have had negative reactions from the handful of guys I have shown interest in and of course that has discouraged me overall. Anyway, I liked this article and didn't think it stated anything incorrect. Thank you.
Actually most men find adult virgins to be very attractive and they are psyched when they find out I am a virgin. I have never encountered a negative comment. If I ever did I would know that he was not the right man for me anyway and just wanted to use me
Hey, I'm doing a documentary on Adult Virgins and looking for participants to tell their story! Please email me if you are interested!
jasonm@psgfilms.com
I am 52 years old. Decades ago, when I was young, I tried to lose my virginity. I was so not into it that my labia never relaxed enough to let the man's penis in. According to a Catholic priest near the school that I was attending, I lost my virginity that night.
However, according to the Physician's Assistant that gave me a very painful pap smear, I was a virgin and should have told her that I still had my hymen ring. I was too in shock to tell her that I had my hymen ring.
My point, virginity is different things to different people. I now consider myself a spinster. And as far as I am concerned, that is alright with me.
I'm a 26 year old male virgin, and I can say with great certainty that MOST males who remain virgin's into their adulthood are not virgins by choice. They are undesirable by women for one reason or another.
Women have TONS of opportunities throughout their lives to have sex, they simply choose not to. As the comments will prove above, most women have an acceptable reason as to why they've never experienced sex. It's not due to lack of opportunities or because men find them undesirable.
Some men (such as myself) have lived their entire lives without attracting the interest of a single woman.
marriages fail because people don't know how to communicate and people rush into them without knowing who they are marrying. They don't fail because people choose to have sex before marriage. People simply have no will and no desire to work things out. Marriage has become something that is no longer sacred in this country, that's the reason they fail. It has nothing to do with sex. Unless the woman stops having sex with the man. Which from a womans point of view me being a woman is a darn good reason. The bible teaches you not to deny your husband and husbands not to deny their wives. I know when i get married if my husbands stops engaging in intercourse with me I'm going to leave. I was an adult virgin and did not have sex until i was absolutely ready. And when I did it was wonderful. I never once was looked at strangely by men because I was a virgin still, men loved that and thought me to be a rare gem. And still til this day they look at me in awe when they ask at what age i lost my virginity and they like the fact that I waited. it's not as hard for women as it is for men. Men are looked at as gay sometimes if they haven't had sex. It's sad but that's the reality. We are brought up thinking men to be horndogs who screw anything that moves but that's just not true. It's great to find men who are virgins. I knew full well how to please a man sexually even though I had never had sex. And have always been darn good at it from the jump. But honestly I wouldn't date a male virgin just because of the timidity and the lack of experience for the type of sex that I myself enjoy. But I think it's great when men wait and actually encourage it. For any man reading this and women as well. Don't let society or anyone, friends, family, boyfriends girlfriends, make you feel bad about your decision to wait. You're much more special for doing so. Truly set a part. I don't regret having sex ever but I truly smile upon those who have the discipline to go against their natural urges for longer than I did. Congrats to you all! Keep it up. It's worth the wait trust me!
nightwork4 21 months ago
i think people find it strange to be an adult and a virgin because sex is pleasureful and good for you. also i believe that most people just can't relate to the idea so like anything we can't relate to we find it strange or out of step with the world.